So i decided some days ago, now that i am a career man, and a role model (come on….let me have my moment), i should be dressed as such. At least part of the time.
Those who know yours truly, have always indulged my taste in clothing. A taste that is far more dependent on comfort than anything resembling proper looks. Now, the fact that despite this defiiciency in the fashion department i manage to look so damn sexy, is simply a testament to the raw masculinity and sexy-bitchiness that oozes out of my every manly hole.
Anyways, despite all that i decided that although my own sexiness may help me pull off what i do, despite my bad sense of dressing, these students, these impressionable youths, who are not blessed with the same adonis-like beauty that i so modesty carry with me, would most certainly NOT be able to manage. Thus it is part of my duty, as teacher, as educator, as guide and mentor, to help them, ever so subtly with the nuances of fashion.
The point is that i bought a new coat.
In fact, not just a coat, but one of those intellectual looking blazers, with patched elbows, that nowadays are even more intellectual looking if you wear them with jeans. (mine don’t have the elbow patches …. yet!!)
So after having decided that my sexiness needs a companion, in the form of the-even-more-sexy-intellectual-wannabe-look, i went and found one such jacket and purchased it. It might be of interest to add, that this also happened to be the first occasion i actually went out and bought clothes for myself, ALL BY MYSELF. That’s right, it only took 28 years. Word up.
So this happened on a saturday. I had class on monday.
Monday came and i put on the jacket. Even as i was putting it on, with only one arm in a sleeve, i could feel myself becomign more intellectual, and if such as thing is possible, even more sexy. I didn’t even bother looking at myself in the mirror, because i KNEW how good i look, and i was afraid that the mirror would not be able to handle it, and being married, i knew that i did not 7 years of bad luck. And so off to school i went.
Now, at our school, there are blocks of two hours, with 15 minute breaks in between, at the end of which the teachers go down and the students from the different classes are all lined up, and you have to lead them to class. Monday was my big day, since i had all four of my classes. It was the perfect showcase to my young protégés my newly upgraded looks, and give them a taste of what they could have had if they were older … and weren’t my students … and they had forgotten to wear their glasses … anyways, again i digress.
As i went down the stairs, hearing the noise of the young ones out in the court, i could feel time slow down, as i came into view.
As the old zen koan goes, Do you know waht the sound of hundred of heads turning is like? I’ll tell you. It’s surprisingly quiet, except for a few heads which bang into each other out of confusion and lack of sense of orientation.
i could almost sense the awe in the eyes of the young women (and men, afterall we’re in the 21st century), as i came to a halt in front of the class i had to pick up. Me in my eternal coolness, brushed it off gracefully, and led them up to class.
We went into the class and once they were seated i began the lecture … with the coat on. I wanted them to experience both the front and back of me, with the coat. I had to admit, all the hyperbole aside, they truly were gazing at my coat with rather a strange look in their eyes. I decided that, once again, all hyperbole aside, they truly were dazzled by the hot new look of their young sexy teacher.
I decided to take coat off, to conserve a bit of the sexy for the three other classes.
The class came and went, rather oddly more quietly than usual, with the odd whishper or giggle even occasionally. Following that, i repeated teh process with the other classes, and i once agian got the same result. They truely were rather struck by the look of my blazer.
When i finally reached home, i took the coat off, and decided, dammit, the results today were so positive, i’m going to wear it tomorrow again.
Tomorrow was tuesday. Tuesdays are one of the days when i have pedagogy courses with my fellow laureates of the teaching exam. I figured the bedazzlement of my fellow colleagues would be even more of a jewel in my crown than that of my students.
And so it was that chilly mornign that i set out with new blazer on, set to impress … more than usual. However, i was late and i was forced to run a fair distance to catch my train, and the resulting perspiration forced me to take the jacket off, and get to the class in my usual t-shirted state. But, never fear i said to myself, for lunch still is to come, and when we go out to lunch, i shall non-chalantly and aloofly (is that a word? … now it is) slip the jacket on, and let them be awed.
I barely heard a thing our instructor was saying, as i counted the seconds until lunch. Finaly we got up to head out, and i with the utmost grace put the new jacket on. Instantly eyes turned to me. as we walked out, one of the guys came over, with quite the appraisingly look which stopped at my left underarm.
i found that odd, since i had noticed that with my students as well, their eyes seemed to have to chosen to focus on that area as well. Then slowly he reached out an arm, slowly went towads my underarms region.
Then as i watched in slow motion curiosity that slowly turned into horror, as i understood EVERYTHING, she got a hold of the price-tag that had been hanging ever-so-prominently from the jacket, saying:
La honte! Tu as toujours l’etiquette!
